Is Perfectionism Ruining Your Voice?

 

       I am a self- admitted recovering perfectionist.  For a long time I didn’t even know that I was one.  I thought my standards were normal. In fact, most perfectionists don’t think they are one until something in their life spins out of control and makes them take notice.

   

     For me, my perfectionism caused my artistic output to grind to a halt.  I couldn’t stand not living up to some standard in my mind so I set out to become the best, the most, the highest, the absolutely perfectly perfect version of myself that would finally at least be “good enough.”  Until I reached that oh so high place of exalted grandeur I didn’t feel that the gifts I already possessed were worth sharing.  And so for many, many years, I shared nothing.

    

     I shifted abruptly from living a life as a full time performer and artist to one of crushing incubation and silence. Stuffing my creative spirit, I promised myself that I would hibernate until I could emerge, one day, unblemished. I continued to study, study, study, and all along the way grew more and more discouraged.  It seemed that for every step forward there were five more steps added in front of me.  The more I learned, the higher the bar was set.   There were so many teachers, successful artists, sets of artistic values, and techniques.  I tried to learn and practice them with precision, often finding myself in a frustrating mess of beliefs and philosophies.  My own spirit became heavy with negative self-talk that echoed the opinions and values of others, and my ears seemed to have magic filters on them that only let in the sounds of mistakes, poor technique, and sour notes.  It became a very dark and gloomy way to live.

     Unfortunately, I was not alone.  Students, friends, other artists. . . I began to see so many of us stuck in our own perfectionist mud.  Where was the merry music making?  What about our self-expression?  What about MY self-expression?  This was not the life that I had inside of me, bursting to get out, joyfully singing “Hallelujah” at full volume complete with accompanying choreography while driving down the street.  This was not the sweet breeze-like hum that magically appeared in my ears on some mornings, begging to be jotted down, put to music, and given to the world to enjoy.  This was not the real me. 

     The perfectionist waiting game is a game that never ends.  If you wait until you are “perfect” or “good enough” to begin your incredible journey as an artist you will never take that first step.  You will remain stuck in the mud, holding your dreams to your chest like tattered rags, gazing longingly at the horizon and wondering what it might be like to touch that golden sunset.  The only way to win the perfectionist waiting game is to refuse to play it.

     I am un-sticking.  I highly recommend you consider doing the same, no matter where you are in your career as a singer or artist.  Hibernating until you are “good enough” will actually have the opposite affect than you intend.  You will grow faster, much faster, if you allow yourself to make mistakes, be where you are, and enjoy the process.  Making art will grind to a halt if you sit in constant judgment of its every sway.  Swaying is the job of your inspiration- don’t squash it with negativity- encourage it with permission to explore itself and all of its infinite possibilities. 

      I am a teacher of Speech Level Singing because it has helped me become a more well-rounded singer, eased tension in my voice, taught me how to mix vocal registers, and extended my range.  However, be careful, lovely students, that you don’t let it box you into a corner.  I made some very beautiful art before I even knew that SLS existed, and I had a very promising career built on that raw talent.  Do not wait until your technique is “perfect” to sing.   Do not for a second think that technique is more important than the thing that makes you special- which is YOUR unique voice.

When I say it, I mean it.  Keep Singing.

Love, Melody